by Bill Stevens
PART 2:
You Can Make It Through the Pain-filled Valley
The valley of the shadow of death is a frightening place for anyone. It is an image that conjures up dread, despair, …. and death. God’s Word the Bible uses many images of how God describes our relationship to Him. One of those images is the Shepherd and the sheep.
Psalm 23 (NKJV)
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.
Why images? A simple picture communicates so much more than we can describe in thousands of words. But more importantly, why this image of a shepherd and his sheep?
“Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Psalm 100:3
Jesus said, “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” John 10:27
Christ cares for you like a shepherd does for his sheep
The shepherd takes care of the sheep’s needs. He leads them to water, food, and provides a shelter and protection for them. The shepherds were strong, tough men who lived out in the fields, and were warriors protecting the sheep from dangerous animals. They were caring as well, petting the sheep, giving them each a name, training them to recognize his voice, and being a loving veterinarian for them when they were hurt.
Christ is our good shepherd, who wants to provide for us in the same way. He wants to lead each one of us and provide for each of our needs. He wants to help us physically, relationally, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually like a shepherd cares for his sheep.
When we hurt, He cares the most
He restores my soul;
Christ cares about your pain and grief, and He wants to personally help you through it. When someone we love dies, we are injured emotionally and spiritually, which can make you sick physically. Healing begins on the inside, because the wound is deep. Your emotions are torn and need the healing touch of God’s love. Only God himself can bring true healing to the wound of grief. The world offers nothing that can really help you through this pain.
Many times, we look everywhere, but to Christ for our spiritual healing. Some try to find healing in self-control and self-discipline or other relationships. Some just say, “the hell with it!” and go out binge drinking or doing some kind drugs to ease the pain. While others turn to work, busyness, and “being strong” all the while they are hurting beyond belief. Then there are those who stop eating or eat everything they can find. My dear friends if you turn to anyone or anything but God, then you are turning to the wrong one to bring healing. Christ is the only One who can bring inner peace, and bring true healing to the deep wounds of this life.
Twenty-two years ago, I had just begun pastoring my very first church. I could not have been more than 6 months there. I was green and totally unprepared to handle 35-40 funerals in the first 18 months of being a pastor there. I was reading everything I could find to be able to encourage the dear people I was entrusted to care for. They were enduring the horrible preaching that I was doing because they knew I cared for them. I really should apologize to them for the very bad preaching. One lady came to me and after two very significant deaths in 6 months of each other, both were her brothers who raised her from a little girl. Their parents had died early in her life. She was more than distraught. She told me the doctor wanted her to take anxiety medicine, but she did not want to and was very strongly against taking it. She knew she was a basket case, a bundle of raw nerves that had the skin ripped off exposing them.
She came to me and asked me to recommend something to help her from the Bible. I knew she was a follower of Christ from an early age, but she told me in no uncertain terms, “I believe in Christ’s power to help me, and that His Word is powerful enough to help me through this. I may need medicine, but I really don’t want to if I don’t have to, and I need to know what to do.” I silently prayed, “Lord help me, I am over my head and have no clue what to do!” It was then that I was reminded of a story I had just read in an old out of print book. The pastor told a story about a person in his congregation who was struggling with extreme anxiety like she was, and he recommended a Rx prescription for his anxiety. So, I gave her the same prescription.
Rx for Anxiety
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Take Psalms 23 like medicine.
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Take it 5 times a day, 5 minutes each time, for the next 7 days.
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Spend each of those 5 minutes reflecting upon how Christ is your Shepherd and how He cares for you.
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Spend that time praying these things to Christ and acknowledging His role in your life and how He is doing this for you too.
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Look at where you are mentioned in the passage. You are mentioned 12 times (I, me, my).
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You will memorize it, but read it, write it down, and keep your eyes on a copy of it.
She took the Rx to heart! She hunted me down a week later and said, “Pastor! Something happened on the fourth day! When I was reading, ‘He restores my soul’ on the fourth day, something lifted off of me that I can’t explain and I have a peace now that I have never felt before. God used Psalm 23 to heal my soul!” I was taken aback – I did not expect that level of deep experience that she had with God. But she was different from then on. She was stronger and had a greater sense of inner peace about her than I had ever seen in her life. Her family said the same thing. Christ is the Answer. He does not just have an answer or the answer, but He Himself is The Answer to everything we are facing. Christ restored her soul. Now, I am not against medicine at all, but I am like her in this. Too many people try it before they genuinely try Christ.
The Word of God is very powerful! It is described as a healing ointment to our soul, a crushing hammer to destroy wrong habits and bad thought patterns, and a purging fire to cleanse our soul of guilt and shame. It is unlike any other book on the planet. It is the bestselling book every year for a reason.
We need the Shepherd to guide us on this path to healing our soul.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.
Is God taking a cheap shot at us by likening us to sheep? We have family that has sheep… and they make cattle look like geniuses. Sheep are dumb. They get distracted nibbling and proceed to nibble themselves far away from the flock and the shepherd. They are notorious for becoming lost. Jesus told a story of a shepherd who left his 99 sheep in a safe location, so he could go hunt and find the one that was lost. When he found it, he came back rejoicing! Why? Because everyone is valuable – even the ones that get on the wrong path.
We need help getting and staying on the right path, “the paths of righteousness.” One bad attitude can lead to one wrong decision, which leads to more and more wrong decisions. We have all done things we regret. I want you to know if you are far from where you need to be, Christ loves you! You are not expendable! He cares for you deeply!
Jesus said, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.” John 10:10-11
We are all like that lost sheep at times. The Bible describes Christ as our Good Shepherd, but also the Lamb of God who takes away our sins. Jesus became the sacrifice for our sins, like lambs were sacrificed in Bible times to atone for their sins. But an animal sacrifice could not bring peace between God and people, so God Himself stepped out of Heaven, became a man, taught us of God’s ways, and then became the sacrifice to bring each of us peace with God. Christ took the punishment for all our sins upon Himself.
“All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.” Isaiah 53:6 (NLT)
When we are left to our own decisions, we fail. Bookstores have thousands of self-help books so we can try to improve upon ourselves and not make bad decisions again. Christ Jesus is the only One who has ever lived a perfect life – a life without regrets. He knows how to live it, came and demonstrated it, taught it, and even demonstrated how we need to exit this life. He wants to lead you in the path to the good life. His forgiveness is available for everyone, because He is Love! Real living is found in following Christ!
Help in the Valley: Stages of Grief
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
The grief process is like a valley. A valley that is dark, dangerous, despairing, and depressing. The place where you dread the most. A place where you surely don’t want to get stuck there, but unfortunately so many do and never make it through the valley. You see on the other side of this dark valley is a place of light, new normal, a new beginning, and a place of renewal. You never forget the one who you lost, and you don’t want to. Is the pain ever gone? The pain lessens as you follow Christ through the valley. This journey leads to you t a new place, a place where you deeply miss your loved one, but your life is not ordered around them anymore. There is a new order to their life. You have made it through the valley. The darkness of the valley does not overshadow your life like it once did.
“Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery’s shadow or reflection: the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.” C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Psychologists tell us there are five stages of grief. They are very accurate to what a person goes through, and they can be likened to going through a very long dangerous valley.
Five Stages to the Valley of Grief
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1. Shock/Denial – “I can’t believe this is happening,” Numbness settles in. Some refuse to face the reality that their loved one has passed and they never get out of this stage. For months or even years, they walk around and talk about their loved one as if they are still here, and still coming home. There is this seemingly total refusal to face reality. Please don’t stay in this place. Christ wants to take you by the hand, and lead you through this hard place.
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2. Anger: You will be angry at someone. It could be yourself, your loved one, doctors, other family members, the guy minding his own business walking down the street, and many times we are even angry at God. It is important to know that anger is normal, but it is not an excuse for wrong actions. Don’t stay in the anger stage, or you will become bitter and healing will never take place. Too many dig into being bitter and unforgiving toward someone, mainly God. It is ok to be angry at God and tell Him how angry you are with Him, just don’t let go of Him. He understands and loves you. What happened to your loved one is not His fault and He did not do this to you. This is a broken world and He wants to help you navigate the brokenness we are faced with every turn of the day. We are in a broken world (see Genesis 3), but that is why Christ came to be our Savior!
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3. Depression: Sadness that will hit you like a wave and knock you down unexpectedly. Expect it but don’t stay in it. Know that this is just a stage and tell yourself that. Hang on to Christ! Get out and go do some things with your friends. Good friends can help you through these deeply sad times. Stay away from friends who will enable you in your hard days and encourage you to do things that are not healthy for a person going through this valley. They may be well-meaning, but they are not really helping. Many wrong choices can keep you in this place of darkness when you are meant to make it through it!! You are passing THROUGH the valley, hang on to Christ who is the source of our strength and hope! Let Him lead you through it!
You will feel at times like C.S. Lewis did in the loss of his wife.
“Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
For in grief nothing ‘stays put.’ One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
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4. Bargaining: God, I will do __________(whatever) if you don’t let me experience this kind of pain again. Trust God and let him have your anxieties. So many times people make desperate deals with God. God loves you so much and wants to carry you through this – not to the place where you can say, “I made a deal with God,” but “God Himself carried me through the hardest days and helped me every step of the way.” He wants you to know His presence during this time, so you can rest in him and not be controlled by worry, fear, and anxiety.
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5. Acceptance: You made it through the valley. You have allowed the Lord to carry you through the valley of the shadow of death, to the other side where there is a new beginning. On the other side of this valley, there are sunshiny days, green meadows, and streams of running water – a beautiful place of healing and new beginnings. No, you will never forget your loved one. You should not forget them. This is a not a place of forgetting, but of a reordered life with a level of spiritual and emotional healing in your life.